Hello Subscriber First Name,

In the moments before a sales call, what crosses your mind? Is it ‘I’m so excited to speak to this person, I can’t wait to show them how I can be of service to them?’ Or is it ‘I’m never in a million years going to get this client. Who am I to even reach out to them? This is going to be just a massive waste of their time.’ We know that thoughts create our reality. If we start our day with negative thoughts or making negative predictions they can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. This is not much fun and is definitely not a way to live a life you love!

The concept of the power of positive thinking is not just woo-woo. Behavioural scientists have found demonstrable links between the way we think and the ease in which we reach our goals. A huge part of my coaching work with women is helping them address self-criticism that is proven to reduce focus, productivity and effectiveness. At the crux of things, it is a waste of energy that could be used to build a thriving business. Business and entrepreneurial life is hard enough, so why add fuel to the fire by being overly self-judgmental and self-critical?

So, how do we stop being so hard on ourselves?

A friend was telling me recently about a sign in her child’s classroom that is part of the school’s wellbeing and anti-bullying approach. It said:

Think before you speak:

T- is it true?

H- is it helpful?

I- is it inspiring?

N- is it necessary?

K- is it kind?

Immediately, I could see how powerful this process would be for children navigating social dynamics, but equally so women in business and the way they speak to themselves. Are your thoughts serving you well, or are they leading you up the garden path and away from your goals? Thinking ‘What a waste of time this sales call will be, this client will never go for what I offer.’ is the perfect example - and one, unfortunately, I’ve had shared with me over the years far too many times to count. If you see a negative thought pop up like this go back to basics. Is it true? Is it really? Examine your thoughts closely. The inner dialogue can become autopilot if you continue to let negative thoughts remain unchallenged.

On that - there is a difference between reflection and ruminating - a vast difference! Reflection and trouble shooting has a positive intent whereas ruminating can sink into the negative. A circuit breaker is to make the act of reflection active. Go for a walk or a run, leave your office or workspace for
lunch somewhere lovely, basically do anything to stop the chatter and clear the head.

A question I like to dive into with my clients who aren’t showing themselves kindness is about their expectations for themselves. Are their expectations realistic in this season of their life and/or their business? If they’re too high you’ll inevitably fail to meet them and then possibly spiral into harsh self-judgement, unkind self-criticism and overestimation or exaggeration of your shortcomings.

To flip this, think about examining and maybe even changing your definition of success. Don’t necessarily lower your bar, but how can you expand it? This expansion will mean your definition of wins won’t be so tightly qualified. This may mean not just looking for highlights in your working day in terms of outcomes but moments where you made yourself proud, where you worked
in alignment to your values.

I also encourage women to have some healthy caution or wariness when it comes to self-development. We’ve all seen those memes about toxic faux positivity, and I have no doubt that many have experienced that awful gas-lighting that can arise from such an approach. While I’m a massive advocate of personal development and improvement - I’m a coach, after all - there can be little development without self-acceptance. You can acknowledge your feelings of limited self-worth while actively working to build it. Denial in cloaks of ‘I’m fine!’ helps no-one!

Of course, navigating self-kindness is difficult to do solo - I’m a trusted advisor to help you ask those questions of your internal messaging. Is it helpful? Is it true? Don’t go it alone - I’m here for you. Just reach out.